The first thing to consider is if the child/children you pick will be able to make it down the aisle without issue. If you do pick a child that tends to get distracted, try practicing with them in a mock walk to help them know what they need to do without getting too off track. Another thing to consider, can the child/children walk the aisle or walk it alone? They may need a parent or other child to help them. Be realistic too in your expectations, kids will get distracted or nervous, they drop things and throw clumps of petals. Try to have the child’s parent seated in the front row or right next to the aisle so that when they walk they can be reassured easily and can sit with their parent during the ceremony. For ring bearers, tie false rings to the pillow.
The next thing is that these children, just like the rest of your wedding party were asked to be a part of your day, more so than your guests. Just like the wedding party, they deserve a gift too. Being children, it is more acceptable to give them an item to help them remember they were part of your day, like an inscribed yoyo, moneybank or simply a good fun toy they can play with before or at the wedding. You may choose to purchase the outfits for your young attendants, or pay part of the cost, but a gift to a child attendant also needs to be given so they have something special they can keep from you and your new spouse.
Now you just have to decide about your wedding party. Who gets to be in the party and will you have child attendants. As you may have seen with the latest royal wedding between Prince William and Katherine Middleton, there are several positions in which a child attendant can fill, though most north American weddings do not have Pages, and bridesmaids are typically the same age as the bride, not young girls. We give our friends and relatives the bridesmaids or groomsman’s positions and children are flower girls and ring bearers.
If you must use your real rings, have them sewn or tightly tied on so that the child can not remove them. Many people give the real rings to the best man and/or maid of honor for safe keeping. Remember too, kids will make noise during your ceremony. To try to keep them appeased, calm and quiet, give them a quiet toy or activity to do. A coloring book at their seat or a fun book to look at usually does the trick.
The best idea of course is to not use children at all in a “no child” wedding.
Don’t be afraid to set out some rules for the children in your wedding party. Kids need rules so they know what they are allowed and not allowed to do. Let the parents know any plans or guidelines you have for their children so that they can enforce them instead of you having to chase around the kids.
The biggest thing is to have fun and take some time off from planning to relax.
Now, this may seem almost hypocritical, but some brides and grooms don’t want children at the ceremony but use child attendants to begin the ceremony. This complicates matters of course, but if you must do this, have a sitter take the children once they have walked down the aisle with you. This will help parents that were told “no children”, that these children were there to play a role in the ceremony, but will not be remaining in the area until the reception or for the rest of the evening. I know this sounds crazy, but yes, some brides have done this and it needs to be done with humility, because guests will get upset if those children are permitted to stay but your guests were told not to bring their children.
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